Wednesday, September 5, 2012

A Long, Sad Summer


I haven't posted since May.

I haven't done much writing, either. There's a reason for that.

See, in May, I received some rather distressing news about my mother-in-law. A few years ago, Mary was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and ended up developing pulmonary fibrosis as a result. She was doing all right, though, even managing to fly from the UK to see us in California twice a year.

She got sick in February and ended up in hospital as a result. Something kicked her pulmonary fibrosis into overdrive, and by April, she was on oxygen.

A month later, the hospital sent her home. There was nothing more they could do. My father-in-law became her full-time caretaker. Her prognosis wasn't good, because there is no way to cure or reverse pulmonary fibrosis at this time.

As soon as the kids were done with school, we flew to the UK and stayed for five weeks, knowing when we left it would likely be the last time we ever saw her.

She passed away on August 4. My life will never be the same.

It's taken us a while to get our groove back. My husband stayed in the UK to help his father and didn't get home until a week ago today. But as much as I still miss her, and as hard as it has been to get life on track, I know she would be pissed as hell at me for putting my writing on the back burner for much longer. She was one of my staunchest supporters, and I would be dishonoring her memory by giving up on something that has always brought me so much joy.

So here I am, not giving up.

The thing of it is, though, I am looking at life in new ways now. I've never lost anyone this important to me before. I've never been thrust into this position of questioning my own mortality before, or fearing the loss of everything that makes my life pretty darn amazing. While I'll be resuming writing posts like Six Sentence Sunday (starting this weekend, woo hoo!), my blog will likely be a lot more than that from now on. I've turned hugely gung ho about getting as healthy as possible, so there will be healthy eating posts and whinges about exercise.

And you know, posts about the things that make my life interesting. Fun. Sometimes infuriating.

My life. For better or worse.

For Mary.