Happy New Year's Eve

I am not sorry to see the end of 2012. At all. This year bit the big one in way too many ways.

We don't go out for New Year. Instead, I'll be staying in and greeting it with the people who matter to me the most - my husband and kids. It'll be a quiet night, but that's the way we usually like it.

Whatever your plans are, be safe, and be happy. :)

The opening of A Simple Charm

Since I posted cover art for it yesterday, I thought I'd post the opening of A Simple Charm today.

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There wasn’t a spot in the whole of Brookburn, Indiana where the tiny colored flags on top of the tents pitched outside of town weren’t visible. The red and yellow wisps fluttered whether Levi could feel a breeze or not, captured in a world of their own making, someplace separate and magical where the wind didn’t whip up the dust to get trapped in places it had no business being. He even caught them dancing at night, when he climbed out his window to sneak down to the gulley that cut the carnies off from the rest of town. He’d stretched out on his stomach, as flat to the packed earth as he could get, and drunk it all in until the last light had been extinguished.

Everywhere he looked was an explosion to his senses. Colors rainbows would’ve been jealous of. Laughter and music and hushed whispers as shadows emerged from one tent only to meld into a single entity before disappearing into another. Roasting meat and strong whiskey that made his stomach rumble even though he’d had his fill at suppertime. His fingers curled into the dry grass, because he needed to stay put, not make a run for it like everything inside screamed at him to do.

He crept back home before the night relinquished its hold on the sky. His dreams for the few hours he got before Pap pounded on the door for him to get to his chores left Levi with a hollow longing in his chest.

“Mr. Trumbull’s closing the store tomorrow,” he commented at the supper table, staring at the beef he sawed away at on his plate rather than anyone else at the table.

“Now why would he go and do a fool thing like that? Saturday’s your busiest day of the week.”

Levi had been working at the general store since ’27, when he was twelve and it became increasingly obvious to his burly father that his only son was built more like his wispy mother. He wasn’t short, but he’d always been too scrawny for most of the labor out on Granddad’s farm. Pete Beckerman talked Artie Trumbull into giving Levi a job, in hopes the hours helping with inventory and making deliveries around Brookburn would put some meat on his bones.

It hadn’t, not really, though Levi had always wondered why Mr. Trumbull had kept him on when there were plenty of men in town who could’ve used the extra wages to take care of their families. Money was tight, jobs hard to come by, and yet, the store became his second home, his haven when everywhere else felt wrong.

“He says everyone will be at the carnival tomorrow anyway,” Levi said in response to his mother’s surprised question.

Pap snorted. “And then at church on Sunday like they didn’t throw good money after bad just the day before.”

“You never know, Pete.” Levi and his sister Annie might have cringed a little at the harshness of Pap’s tone, but Mom was unfazed as always. She reached for the mashed potatoes to scoop another spoonful onto Pap’s plate. “I heard someone over in Jagerstown won a brand-new stove in that grand raffle of theirs.”

“A stove.”

“That’s what I heard.”

“Those people don’t even have homes. How would they find the money for a stove?”

“Mr. Trumbull’s going.” Nobody in town really trusted the carnies, so Pap’s reactions were hardly unusual, but Levi wished he could see what else they offered, the dreams they held out with both hands to anybody who wanted them. Those fantasies were all Levi had thought about from the moment the first flyer showed up on the post outside the newspaper office, though his were buried so deep, they’d need more magic than a few pretty flags and some fast words to be set free.

“Well, with the store shut, he doesn’t have much else to keep out of trouble, now does he? Some of us have real work to do.”

Levi stopped trying then. Pap was just like the soil he tilled, practical, unchanging, ultimately immovable.

The night was cooler than its predecessor, the rustle of air coming in through his open bedroom window as bewitching as the not-so-far-away carnival. Levi leaned through the opening, stretching to peer around the Joslin house next door. Common sense said he shouldn’t be able to smell or hear anything, not from this distance, but he would’ve sworn on every Bible in Brookburn that it was right there. All he had to do was reach out and close his eyes and he was back at the edge of the gulley, the ground cold beneath his belly, his blood hot to make up for the chill everywhere else.

A soft rap came at his closed door. He jolted back, barely in the room when Mom let herself in.

Her gaze drifted to the window behind him. She knew. He didn’t have to say a word because she always knew, and that frightened him more than anything else. Some things should remain a secret. Some things had the power to hurt more than he would wish onto his greatest enemy, and the only way to make sure they didn’t was to lock them away from her omniscient eyes.

“Did you have plans tomorrow?” she asked.

Levi shrugged. Anything he’d hoped to do was built on fancies, as implausible as catching a cloud to make it rain when they most needed it at the height of summer. “Read, maybe.”

“Annie wants to go to the carnival. You should take her.”

The sudden lurch inside his chest made it hard to breathe, harder even when his heart took to racing like Scott Joslin’s best horse within the passage of the next moment. “What about Pap?”

She smiled. “I’m not telling you to take him.”

“What’ll you say?”

“You don’t worry about that. Just keep an eye on Annie, get back in time for supper, and if you manage to win me a new stove, well, that certainly wouldn’t hurt.”

She left him to spend the night too excited to sleep, hours lost to imaginings as he tossed and turned until dawn.

New cover art for A Simple Charm

The beginning of 2013 is going to be a busy one for me. I have three releases in the first two months. The first of these is on January 14 at Liquid Silver Books for my mostly sweet, m/m historical, "A Simple Charm."

And look! I have cover art!

In 1934, life in Brookburn, Indiana is quiet, simple, and peaceful, but young dreamer Levi Beckerman yearns for more. When the carnival shows up for the Fourth of July, he’s entranced by its many temptations. None is more seductive than the charismatic barker, Sebastian Gustineau.

Seb’s been a part of the carnival for almost a decade. Once, it provided him the escape he needed from a life he thought he didn’t want, but now, he craves things it can never offer. Flitting from dusty town to dusty town, he loses himself in pretty dalliances. Levi seems like the perfect distraction, until a single conversation convinces him that preserving Levi’s innocence and way of life is more important than his momentary satisfaction.

However, his plan to discourage Levi goes horribly wrong. When Levi’s family is threatened, Levi fights to protect them, doing what he can to hide the secrets he’s sheltered his entire life. The only person he trusts is Seb. He’s just not sure if the growing bond between them is enough to save them all.

I'll be talking a lot more about it in the weeks to come, including sharing an excerpt.

Movies vs. Musicals

Yesterday, I got to see one of the movies I've been dying to this season. Les Miserables. I saw the stage version for the first time in April '88. I was in New York City for spring break my freshman year at college, and as a theatre major, Broadway was my drug of choice. I had nose bleed seats, but that night, I fell in love.

In the years since, I've seen Les Miserables sixteen more times in three different cities. Needless to say, it's my favorite musical ever, so my excitement going into the movie theater? Pretty unparalleled.

I walked out with my brain abuzz. Is it the greatest movie ever? No. But that doesn't mean I didn't cry at certain parts, or that I won't buy it as soon as it's available on Blu-ray.

The movie has definite strengths. The cinematography is sensational, gritty and sweeping as epics are meant to be. Some performances absolutely shine, as well. Anne Hathaway portrays Fantine as an angry, desperate woman, and her one-shot solo of "I Dreamed a Dream" is stunning. Hugh Jackman's transition from the bitter convict to the well-meaning father is clean and realistic, even if his vocals sometime strain to reach the purity the part often demands. As Cosette, Amanda Seyfried gives one of the more sympathetic versions I've ever seen, though her vibrato gets annoying by the end of the long (2 hours and 38 minutes) movie. The Thenardiers - Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham-Carter - aren't the comic caricatures that are often seen onstage but instead dark reminders of the seedier side of survival.

A couple performances pretty much fail for me. I've never been a fan of Marius as a young romantic lead, but Eddie Redmayne manages to turn him into an even bigger flake than usual. (On a side note, I just don't understand the physical appeal of him at all. He always reminds me of Cletus the slack-jawed yokel.) I've adored Russell Crowe for decades, but this is a singing role, not an acting one, and his nasally, rock style of singing - sliding into notes - is utterly unsuited to the operatic style Les Miserables requires. Javert is actually my favorite male character of the show, a tragic figure broken by his inability to accept any flexibility, especially his own, but I felt nothing of his inner conflict as played by Crowe.

Some of director Tom Hooper's choices didn't work for me, either. He plays it too heavy-handed sometimes in driving home his symbolism, like Javert's literal walking of edges and the giant eye looking over Valjean's shoulder during "God on High." His decision to change some of Eponine's actions turns her unrequited love from being sympathetic to selfish, and the complete exclusion of her from the final number weakens the theme of selfless love that makes Les Miserables resonate.

Because that is ultimately what this is about. One of my favorite lines from anything ever comes from the final moments. "To love another person is to see the face of God." It's about learning to care more about someone else than yourself. Fantine giving everything for Cosette. Valjean taking steps from accepting the fresh start given to him by the Bishop (a moving performance from Colm Wilkinson himself) all the way to saving Marius at the barricade so Cosette can finally have the future she deserves. Javert's failure to accept his own growth when he breaks his code of ethics. In the stage version, Eponine was part of this cycle, the representation of unrequited love who will do anything for the object of her affection, even at the expense of her own life. It's a shame that Hooper felt that had to be changed for the cinematic release.

I'm not sure I need to see it again in the theater (though after checking imdb and seeing Frances Ruffelle - the original Eponine - credited as one of the whores, I'm insanely curious to go back and watch for her part), but I don't regret going. It's flawed, but there are so many layers to peel away from the experience, it was worth it.

The day before Christmas

Twenty-four hours to Christmas. My kids are a tad anxious. Me, I'm enjoying some relaxation this year, as we're keeping things rather low-key. I did get edits yesterday that left me more than a tad anxious, but I'm not letting myself dwell on them.

Instead, I'll dwell on the sweet perfection of this holiday picture...

Candy cane rice krispie treats

So yesterday was spent doing a lot of baking in preparation for an evening spent with friends. One of the things my daughter and I made were candy cane rice krispie treats. Some of you might turn your nose up at the idea, but trust me on this one. If you like rice krispie treats and candy cane flavors even a little, you'll LOVE this.

I've seen variations of this online, but I've modified the recipe over time to get it the way my family likes it.

INGREDIENTS
1 13 oz box of Rice Krispies (or similar style cereal)
1 10 oz bag of mini marshmallows
4 tbsp butter
1/4 cup crushed candy canes
40 candy cane Kisses
2 cups white chocolate chips
2 tbsp vegetable (or canola) oil
3 tbsp crushed candy canes

DIRECTIONS
1. Unwrap all the Kisses. Microwave for 30 seconds to get them to a melty stage. It's okay to have smallish lumps.
2. Melt butter over low heat. Add marshmallows and melt together.
3. Stir marshmallow mixture into cereal.
4. Add melted Kisses and crushed candy canes.
5. Press into greased 9x13 pan. Refrigerate until set.
6. Over double boiler, melt white chocolate.
7. Add vegetable oil and stir until smooth.
8. Frost uncut Rice Krispie treats with white chocolate.
9. Sprinkle crushed candy canes over frosting.
10. Refrigerate until frosting is firm. Cut into squares at this point.

My life is a to do list

I am surrounded by things to do. Certain times of the year, I can actually get all the things done and then have time for myself. Most of the time, I go to bed, mentally calculating all the things I didn't get around to that day and planning accordingly for the next.

My life is a to do list. There is no satisfaction quite like that achieved when I can cross something off it.

These days, it centers around the holiday, even more so this year because we're on our own for it. This will be the first year we don't have my mother-in-law. My father-in-law chose to stay in the UK and spend the holidays with his other son. My family? Well, I haven't celebrated Christmas with my family in twenty years. We're scattered across the country. I'm in California. My brother is in Michigan. One sister is in Oklahoma and the other is in North Carolina with my mom. Getting together just doesn't happen.

So here I am, doing what I can to make it a memorable Christmas anyway. It's important to me. These are the memories that will guide my children into their futures. These are the signposts they will measure future holidays by. But it's more than that, because these are also the days I will never have with them again. If I've learned anything this year, it's that each day must be treasured for the gift it is. Holidays are no exception to that.

At the periphery of this, stories beg for my attention. I have no pressing demands right now, except for something completely gratis and for fun, but I can't even find the time to chip at that. Writing takes a backseat. Even more frustrating is the fact that ideas crop up more often when I don't have time to write. I keep getting nibbles of, "Oh! That would be fun to do," or "Wouldn't it be great to get back to the story about the prodigy?" 

I can't, though. Not right now. On the to do list of my life, it's just not enough of a priority to ignore everything else.